Midlife-Crisis

Am I Having a Midlife Crisis?

I’ve always been convinced that I’m not the type for something like that. I don’t pine for my youth, nor do I fantasize about a youthful lover. In fact, I’d say that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve actually become happier.

And yet, from time to time, I’m seized by this deep longing for a simpler, more natural life. I imagine a little house surrounded by nature, where I grow my own vegetables and the chickens cluck contentedly in the garden.

Every time I share this fantasy with my husband, he raises an eyebrow, gives me a skeptical look, and replies — not exactly empathetically — “I just can’t see you being happier living like a farmer.” That’s when I feel completely misunderstood. I try to explain how much the rigid, externally dictated rhythm of school life stresses me out. But even that doesn’t earn much sympathy. According to him, I’m clearly having a midlife crisis.

Could be. After all, I’m turning 50 soon.

During the holidays, I read Neuland by Ildikó von Kürthy. I found most of it really entertaining, but her thoughts on longing made me pause. Longing, she says, is something to handle with care. Because not everything you yearn for will actually make you happier in the end.

A friend of mine once told me how she was always convinced that having an apartment in Delhi would make her happy. Then she spent a few years living here, and suddenly she longed for a horse farm in northern Germany. As if we’re always yearning for exactly what we don’t have. Which, if you think about it, is kind of tragic — because it means you’d never be truly happy as long as those longings remain. Longing reveals a lack — something that wants to be filled. That’s how I’ve always understood it.

Here in New Delhi, I miss nature — the kind of nature I could easily have access to back in Germany, just by taking a walk in the nearby woods. Maybe that’s where this longing for a house in nature really comes from.

Since that little house is out of reach at the moment — unless we’re talking holiday rentals — I’ve decided to redesign my room instead. Pinterest has been a huge source of inspiration.

My “natural-living” makeover will include the following steps:

1. Decluttering and keeping things organized

2. Adding more plants

3. A jungle-themed wallpaper on one wall

   
   

I’m hoping that this green boost in my room will soothe my longing for nature — and keep my husband from having to deal with my so-called midlife crisis any further.

He just needs to help me carry in the flower pots.